Our hoomins have (t)issues.

PIPER: Please excuse the quality of the pitchures fur this post. Zaphod doesn't know how to work a camera.

ZAPHOD: Do so.

PIPER: Do not. (pause) Okay, so I'm teaming up with the walking hairball today because we're a little concerned about our hoomins, Mom and Daddy.

ZAPHOD: I like the pitchure you took of me. You captured my mist-ee-ree-us side.

PIPER: Please stop using words I don't know how to spell without looking them up.

ZAPHOD: Sorry. I keep furgetting that you're not as smart as me.

PIPER: Am so! I even went to school!

ZAPHOD: Yeah, but only because you didn't know to listen to Mom and Daddy in the furst place. Didn't I tell you that you'd get more T*R*E*A*T*S if you did?

PIPER: (snort) Anyway, Mom and Daddy are acting furry weird, because Zaphod got them sick.

ZAPHOD: I did not!

PIPER: Well, they're constantly coughing up hairballs! Haven't you noticed?

ZAPHOD: They aren't coughing up hairballs -- they're barking! Like you! It's your fault. Nice try, Tennis-Ball-Brain!

PIPER: Uh-oh -- you said "tennis ball." I miss my tennis balls! I miss my FETCH. It's been furry nice having them both in bed fur days on end, and the naptime has been furry enjoyable, but ... (whimper)

ZAPHOD: I don't care. As long as they feed me, I'm happy.

PIPER: (appraising Zaph's bulk) Yeah, no kidding.

ZAPHOD: (ignoring the beautiful black and white dog who is typing this and can therefore type what she wants) So, I overheard Mom telling someone she and Daddy have swine flu, and that it got worse and they got throat infections and ear infections, and bronc-eye-tiss, and Mom has new-moan-ia.

PIPER: "Swine," like in "pigs?"

ZAPHOD: And "bronc," as in "horses." Yep. That's what she said.

PIPER: We've got PIGS AND HORSES to compete with for our hoomins' attentions?! And I didn't SMELL them?

ZAPHOD: Yeah, well, if it's not round, fuzzy, day-glo yellow and flying through the air, you don't notice nuthin', Piper. (yawning) As long as I get fed ...

PIPER: Can I chew on your head fur a little while?

Sunday = Funday!

Hello, furends! I want to tell you about the wunderdog time I had with Mom yesterday!

As most of you know, my favourite thing in the whole wide world is a good game of FETCH. If there is a tennis ball in motion, I am so there! And there! And THERE!

We usually play FETCH in the backyard, but it's been really muddy there lately. When Daddy brought me in the other night, I was a black and brown doggy! Well, I hate getting a B*TH, but I love FETCH more, so I guess it's okay.

Well, yesterday morning, after finding an easy geocache, Mom took me to FETCH HEAVEN!

Not far from our den is a big park, and in the summertime a lot of hoomins bring big moving dens and park them all in the same place. But after Canadogian Fangsgiving, they all go home, leaving a big, fenced-in, gravelly open space. So yesterday, Mom took me and the Chuck-It and the ball up there. And Mom threw the ball as far and as hard as she could, over and over and over again, just for me!

Happiness is having fetched the ball so far so many times that you

have to take a rest on the way back!

Once Mom saw that I was getting tired (Momnote: Hallelujah!), she decided we would then play a game of "Walk-it" with the picnic tables! Mom saw how a bunch of them were lined up in a row and so she got me to run up and down alla picnic tables in a row! (We stopped going to Jillity a year ago when Mom sprained her ankle, but of course I 'membered what "walk-it" means! I am a Border Collie mystery mix, after all!)


When I got home again, I was so tired that I went back to bed with Daddy and went right to sleeps!

Mom and I had so much fun up at the No-Moving-Dens-Now Park yesterday that we're going to try to go again soon. Right now, though, we're gonna go take a nap! (wagwagwag)

The Great OUTdoors

Yesterday Mom had to go to a store, so Daddy and I went too, and after the store, we went to The Beach! There are lotsa beaches around here, and it's a good thing, too, because Daddy loves to take pitchures of water. LOTS of pitchures of water.

This beach was on the way to Red Head and the water was furry angry. Daddy took some pitchures and Mom did too, but the wimpy hoomins said it was cold, so we didn't stay furry long. Still, I got to run and sniff and play, and that made it an AWESOME time to be me!

On Friesday, Daddy stayed home from work to play with me. Mom went out, and as soon as the coast was clear, Daddy and I got in his zoom-zoom and went fur a walk in the woods. We haven't been walking in the woods as much as I'd like, because of icky-tickies, but they're prolly all dead now. I got shot so the icky-tickies won't hurt me, but they still gross Mom out.

I like it when Daddy stays home from work. It not only means three days of funfunfun instead of two, but he makes popcorn all three days too! I wunder how I can make this a habit fur him?

Hoomins these days ...

Hello, everydoggy!

I nose it has been a furry long time since I've posted anything here. Blame Mom! Just because she and Daddy are trying to cut costs, she keeps turning off the pooter screen when she goes out without me (which is ALL THE TIME NOW), and I can't reach around to the button because I don't have thumbs! Sheesh!

And then there's Daddy. As everydoggy knows, I love my daddy. I think he's just wunnerful. Or at least I did. This week I found out he's a big fat fibber!

Whenever we play fetch in my OUT, Daddy says, "Don't lose the ball, Piper. Tennis balls don't grow on trees, you know."

Well, guess what?

I fink Daddy's got some 'splainin' to do. (wagwagwag)

Just so you know...

Pleas vote fur us!

Mom submitted a photo of me and Zaph in a contest on AnimalAttraction.com, a really cool online community for pet lovers that also helps homeless pets. Efurry time you log in, they donate money to a shelter.

You can vote fur us (once a day) here:
http://animalattraction.com/PhotoContest/ShareMyEntry/7582

Whoever wins the contest gets to select their favorite animal shelter or rescue group to receive a $250 donation from AnimalAttraction! The shelter I came from looked like they could really use it.

Fangs!

Dogs love uncondishunally ...

... but Daddy is really pushing it.

This happened on Friesday, but it was so traumatizing that I could only post about it now.

Why doesn't he make ZAPH swim?!

A Day at The Summer Place (and More Torture By My Super-Hero Daddy)

On Chewsday, Daddy came home early from work. I was furry confused, but when I saw him put my water bottle in the zoom-zoom, I didn't care where we were going, because I was getting to go, too!

Turned out Mom and Daddy and I all went down to The Summer Place. Nunkle Ken had invited all of the fambly to go down to the cottage fur a family get-together.

Well, it was a big sprize, because Nunkle Andrew, Anti-Dawna and Cuzzin Anna were there too! I'd neffur met them before, because they live in Albirda, which I guess is a furry long ways away. Daddy had figured out the sprize, because he's furry smart, but Mom had no idea. (I think Mom's head is full of rughooking wool half the time and that's why.)
I liked meeting the Albirda McLeans! Nunkle Stephen and Ont Lee and Daddy's sisters came, and all my hoomin cuzzins, and my doggy cuzzins Cecil and Coal were there, too, so we had a really good time together.

Or we did. Then Daddy decided to start the "swimming lessons" again. (That's Daddy Code fur trying to drown me.) He has this weird obsession with water and making me swim.

Well, I don't need lessons -- I can swim, as I showed him on Chewsday. But I DON'T LIKE IT and I don't need to swim if I don't go in above my tummy. Daddy will just have to learn to fetch his own tennis ball if he's gonna insist on throwing it in the water.

Well, after Daddy gave up on trying to drown me, I thought I was safe. That didn't last furry long at all! Further down the beach from my tennis ball was a big box-thing. I didn't pay too much attention to it because it was just sitting there, and it left the tennis ball alone, so I didn't care.

But all of a sudden Nunkle Stephen decided to climb up on it for a better look. It didn't like that at all! It started making a FURRY BIG NOISE and the water behind it started spinning and then I knew that the box-thing was really the Lake You-Toe-Pee-a Sea Monster. I started barking "RUN FUR YOUR LIVES!" but the hoomins didn't listen at all.

Next thing I knew, Daddy picked me up and put me on The Monster with the suicidal hoomins and climbed on with me! "It's a water-zoom-zoom," he splained, but he's delooshunul when it comes to water, so I didn't believe him fur a second.
Nunkle Stephen wrestled the Monster and made it go way way out into the middle of the lake, and I thought fur sure that we were all gonna die. All I wanted was to see my mom and my tennis ball again. Would I be able to chew on Zaph one more time?

Well, I'm becoming a bigger fan of Nunkle Stephen all the time. He's my hero. He got us all back alive.

Once I was back on the beach and away from The Monster, Nunkle Stephen decided to punish Daddy fur all of the stress he'd put me through. Nunkle Stephen made Daddy wear some sort of special torture harness.

Well, I thought I knew Daddy pretty well, but on Chewsday I learned something I didn't know: Daddy is part-fish.

The Monster decided it wasn't done, and it took off for the middle of the lake, stealing Nunkle Stephen and my cuzzins. Somehow Daddy managed to stand up on the water behind The Monster and he grabbed it by the tail and chased it. The Monster went in circles, trying to shake Daddy off, but Daddy was determined! He chased that Monster all over the lake! And then when Daddy had finally decided he'd picked on the Monster long enough, he let go of it and slid onto the beach on his feet.

My daddy is amazing.

Even if he wants to drown me.

Hey, hoomins!

If it's hot enough for me to wallow in a mud puddle, then it's too hot for you to be caching!

Place Daddy's geocache already, and let's go get some nice cream!

This Blog Has Been Cat-Jacked.

Okay, Dog. It's like this: you have chased me from my snooze on the bed one too many times. So while you're harassing Dad to throw the ball for you in the rain and doing your "Gimme Popcorn Dance", I'm posting on your blog.

Dear Blog Readers: Look deep into my eyes. Slowly, you are being drawn into their sea-green depths. Focus on what I'm saying. Fo-cussssss. You're getting sleepy. Your head is getting droopy. Listen the the sound of my purring. You are so relaxed, you will do exactly as I say. You will give me tuna. Anyt--

OOF! PIPER! Get your nose outta my butt!

Canines. Clearly an inferior species.

Neighbourhood Watch(dog)

I have a furry important job at our den. I am a fierce guard dog.

No one goes up or down my street without my approval. As soon as I was tall enough to stand up in the front porch and "LOOK" (Daddy's word), I have been keeping two sharp canine eyes on efurrything that moves in either direction.I don't bark at the postal carrier, though, because he is a guffurment offishul. I just bark at dogs, kids, big trucks, and aliens. (Well, okay -- I haven't seen any aliens yet, but between my daddy being a mad scientist, and my stoopid kitty brudder being named after a character in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, if any aliens show up on our street, trust me -- they'll be coming here furst.)

My Evil Stoopid Kitty Brudder

This is Zaphod Beeblebrox McLean, AKA The Bane of my Dogzistance. Oh, he may look cute here, but don't let that fool you. He is pure evil.

One day Mom was out minding her own business and he insisted on coming home with her. Mom, obviously brainwashed, decided she wanted to keep him, and thought the odds would be better if she let Daddy name him. (Well, she prolly won't be making that boo-boo again!)

Whenever Mom takes a pitchure of Zaph, she has to make sure to not use the flash cuz he glares at her. (I think the flash just picks up his true evil self.)

How is Zaph evil? You want a list?

1. He sprawls on his back on the bed, exposing his big furry tummy and then attacks my head when I stick my nose in there.

2. He gets T*R*E*A*T*S as soon as he gets Mom up efurry morning. I sometimes hafta wait 'til Daddy goes to work. (But sometimes I get both, if I time it right.)

3. He sits on top of things and then launches his hefty self at me as I trot by.

4. Mom loves him. Daddy loves him too (but he loves me better).

5. He coughs up really nummy things on the floor but usually does it loudly enough that the hoomins hear him so it's gone before I can check it out.

Sometimes, though, he'll curl up next to me when I'm napping. Then when I wake up, this is what happens.
But I guess he's not all bad. I do get to herd him when he tries to get OUT, and sometimes he leaves his bits of steak from Daddy fur me to eat. And he can sometimes have a dogliciously stinky butt. And when he runs and hides in the basement, and Mom and Daddy accidentally lock him in down there, I do kinda miss him.

After all, he is my stoopid brudder.

Awesome Chewsday!

On Chewsday morning, I was in the OUT, minding my own business, when Mom opened the back door to let me into our den -- or so I thought! But she had my leash and harness in her hand, and my travel water bottle, and OH MY DOG she started walking towards the zoom-zoom!

Mom has a friend from when she was a little girl way back -- her name is Ont Christine (or maybe Ant Christine, because she's practically Merikan now) -- and she and Mom haven't seen each other in a furry long time. Anyway, Christine LOVES me and I love her right back!

Since Christine wanted to learn about geocaching (pawsibly the most dangerous thing to say to my mama), Mom made up a big list of caches to go get! And we had so much fun! (Even when I ated too many sticks and then drank muddy water and barfed all over the trail!)

We went a lot of places I never went before, and one thing that was really weird was this house that we took the zoom-zoom right through!

Mom says there are lots of these weird houses in New Runsquick, but this was new to me! It was furry dark in there, but just as soon as I got used to it, we were out in the sunshine again!

After the drive-through house, we stopped for lunch at a place called Mama George's. Or maybe it was George's Mama? Anyway, I didn't get to see George or Mama because it was a hoomin food place and I couldn't go in, but Mom and Christine went inside for a minute, and then came out and ated with me at a table in the OUT.

And you guessed it -- I got ice cream!

I hope we can see Ont/Ant Christine next Chewsday! We had a lot of fun together! (wagwagwag) But, oh my dog, was I tired when I got back home!

Herding Toys

I don't have any sheep to round up, so I make sure that my toys are where they should be -- in the middle of the hoomins' bed!

These are three of my favourites: BigBall, Maui, and Tug Toy. I would have a tennis ball here too, but my hoomins know better than to keep them where I can reach them if they want to get any sleep. (Tennis balls bounce really well off Mom's forehead at four in the morning!)

I'm pretty good at herding cats, too -- or at least Zaph, when he decides to make a break for it and escapes to the OUT.