Our hoomins have (t)issues.

PIPER: Please excuse the quality of the pitchures fur this post. Zaphod doesn't know how to work a camera.

ZAPHOD: Do so.

PIPER: Do not. (pause) Okay, so I'm teaming up with the walking hairball today because we're a little concerned about our hoomins, Mom and Daddy.

ZAPHOD: I like the pitchure you took of me. You captured my mist-ee-ree-us side.

PIPER: Please stop using words I don't know how to spell without looking them up.

ZAPHOD: Sorry. I keep furgetting that you're not as smart as me.

PIPER: Am so! I even went to school!

ZAPHOD: Yeah, but only because you didn't know to listen to Mom and Daddy in the furst place. Didn't I tell you that you'd get more T*R*E*A*T*S if you did?

PIPER: (snort) Anyway, Mom and Daddy are acting furry weird, because Zaphod got them sick.

ZAPHOD: I did not!

PIPER: Well, they're constantly coughing up hairballs! Haven't you noticed?

ZAPHOD: They aren't coughing up hairballs -- they're barking! Like you! It's your fault. Nice try, Tennis-Ball-Brain!

PIPER: Uh-oh -- you said "tennis ball." I miss my tennis balls! I miss my FETCH. It's been furry nice having them both in bed fur days on end, and the naptime has been furry enjoyable, but ... (whimper)

ZAPHOD: I don't care. As long as they feed me, I'm happy.

PIPER: (appraising Zaph's bulk) Yeah, no kidding.

ZAPHOD: (ignoring the beautiful black and white dog who is typing this and can therefore type what she wants) So, I overheard Mom telling someone she and Daddy have swine flu, and that it got worse and they got throat infections and ear infections, and bronc-eye-tiss, and Mom has new-moan-ia.

PIPER: "Swine," like in "pigs?"

ZAPHOD: And "bronc," as in "horses." Yep. That's what she said.

PIPER: We've got PIGS AND HORSES to compete with for our hoomins' attentions?! And I didn't SMELL them?

ZAPHOD: Yeah, well, if it's not round, fuzzy, day-glo yellow and flying through the air, you don't notice nuthin', Piper. (yawning) As long as I get fed ...

PIPER: Can I chew on your head fur a little while?