That Duzzit!

I nose it has been a furry long time since I wrote about my ventures here.

See, not too long after my last post about how to play the hoomin game of golf, Mom decided to go play in traffic.  Acshully, she did efurryfing she was sposta do.  She stopped walking at the corner by the "walk-it here" lines, and waited and looked both ways and efurry moving den wuz stopped.  But then one of them wuzn't, and the driver dint see Mom behind him in between the "walk-it here" lines, and he backed up fast, and he axidentully hit her.  And she went boing into another moving den.  And then we kinda dint blog for two years, waitin' fur her brain stopped shakin' and put itself back together again.  (Mom is mostly okay now -- she wuz just furry glad I wuzn't with her when it happened.)

So, I have been furry patient with Mom.  I dint complain when she brought home this new kitty in Tober 2012 (Her name is Aww-dumb.):

And then I dint complain when Mom brought home this new kitty in Tober 2013 (Her name is Am-brrr.)

Siriusly, hoomins -- that makes four kitties in our den.  FOUR!  If we get enny more than that, I'll need more paws to count them on!  NO MORE KITTIES, MOM!

But the worst insult came today, when I heard Mom talking to Gamma (who is one of my blog's biggest fans, cuz she lubs me).  Mom said she wuz thinkin' of letting Buzz have his own blog!  Buzz!  Now, I like Buzz, cuz he always goes along on our ventures, but Buzz ...?

Well, this is Buzz:

Yes, hoomins.  Buzz is a moving den.

I nose Mom hazn't been feelin' like herself fur a long time (and the fact she's gonna let Buzz have his own blog shows that her brain izn't back to normal yet), but I was here first!  (Well, okay, Zaph was here first, but he and Nero kin write on my blog once inna while iffen they want.)


So I have decided it's time to start writing on my blog again, befur I forget how to type (and befur Buzz gets all the tensions around here).  Daddy kin take the pitchures; I'll just use the pooter when Mom's playing with the stoopid kitties.  So watch dis space, as they say in the pee-papers.

Woof soon! (wagwagwag)

Piper's Guide to Golf

Well, I was rilly starting to wurry that the weak-end was going to be a complete and udder disappointment. I mean, yesterday the noisy box went off and Daddy got up and turned it off, just like he does every Catterday morning, so I was furry excited. So I was good to my hoomins, figgering I'd let them sleep for another seven minnits befur making them take me somewhere fur funfunfun.

But at the six minnit mark, they both got up and then started getting reddy fur werk. Werk?! On a Catterday?! But what about ME?! Where's my funfunfun!

Well, there was no way that was gonna happen this morning! Daddy kilt the noisy box and as soon as he lay back down, I was in his face! Wagwagwag! Licklicklick! Whinewhinewhine! You nose -- the whole excited puppy dog routine. And befur long, Daddy muttered and Mom groaned and soon we were in the zoom-zoom, heading fur funfunfun!

We went in the zoom-zoom to a place called a Golf Course. There were a couple of other zoom-zooms there, but no hoomins in sight.

Now, iffen you don't nose about golf, I'll splain. It's how hoomins play fetch by themselves. They have a little ball and they hit it with a stick and then they go chase it. They chase it all over the hills and the grass and sometimes the sand and trees. And then they go home.

Well, hoomins aren't furry good at playing fetch in the winter, I guess, but that's okay. I'm an all-weather-fetch kinda doggy, and the best part about the golf course is that Daddy can chuck the ball a rilly-rilly long ways!

(Mom note: The real best part about the golf course is that we actually have a hope of wearing Piper out, once she's run up and down the hills a few dozen times!)

So we played fetch at the golf course for about an hour and it was so much funfunfun!

After a while, I thought Daddy might be tired, so I laid down in the snows and let him rest fur a few minutes. I ated some snows and then I ran back up the hill again in case my hoomins were lonely.

Just in case you're wundering just how far Daddy threw the ball, I'm including this pitchure to show you.

The pitchure is taken from the furry top of the hill where Mom and Daddy were. That dark speck in the middle of all the white space is mememe!

Fangu, hoomins, fur finding me a new favrit thing! I can't wait until next weak-end to go play golf again! (wagwagwag)

Happy Nude Ears!

Happy Nude Ears, efurrydoggy and hoomin! My Nude Ears rezolooshun is to blog more often, since Gamma and Ont Merry an' utherhoomins like to read about my 'ventures. So here I yam! (wagwagwag)

Kissmoose was furry good at our den. Santy Paws brought me two new toys -- a dragon named Pinky (who has both a skweeker and a crinkly-sounding part) and a skwirl named Skwirly. I woof them both, but I think Pinky is my favourite. In this pitchure, I'm unwrapping a chewie, I fink. Fangu, Santa Paws!
Mom's gone and gotten a job, so she's not home napping furry much this winter. I miss napping with my hoomins, but I like running and playing better. On the weak-ends, I nose when my hoomins don't hafta go to werk, so I make sure that they get up and take me sumwhere fun! Fur instance, we went up to Rockwood Park to run in the woods today. Running in the woods is my fave-rit thing! (wagwagwag)

Well, Mom's rubbin' her eyes, so I think it might be nap time. If you liked this blog post, you can leave a comment, or mebbe send me some nice cream. (wagwagwag)

Spring Fever!

It's coming! Ohmydogness, it's coming! I hear you, Spring! I SNIFF YOU!

Furst, it started wif da white b*th in my OUT only coming up to my belly. Then it onliest came up to my knees. And then Mom started throwing my tenny ball in my OUT and it dint go alla way to Pekingese! And now, everydoggy -- now there is the beginning of mud! I LOVE MUD!

I am runrunrunning around da house, and Zaph and Nero are scared little hairballs. But I gotta chase. I just gotta chasechasechase. And I gotta bounce! Bouncebouncebounce! Mom! Daddy! It's light out! You doan gotta werk today! Let's go PLAY!

So both yesterday and today, we went to my favrit BEACH. And the water was way out, so there was all kinds of room to RUNRUNRUN!

(Perfeshunal doggy on a closed track. Do not 'ttempt!)

This morning alla hoomins inna werld decided they wanted more light after supper, so they all decided to change their clocks at the same time! Now, I nose that hoomins can sumtimes have sum pretty weird ideas, but this one's not so bad. Maybe that means Daddy, Mom and I can GOTOBEACH efurryday again after werk, instead of just onna weekend. Oh, I hope so.

One of my furry favritest things to do at BEACH is to get wet and make splashes efurrywhere! Well, today I had my bestest splash yet! I was so HAPPY!

Mom said, driving back to our den, that the zoom-zoom smelled like wet dog. That was the bestest compliment I've had in a furry long time! I hope that the smell lasts cuz it's a long week and I doan want Daddy to miss me iffen he doesn't have to. But it prolly won't, cuz Mom keeps making it smell like choklit! (Her new stoo-stoo-stoodio is inside a yummy soap store.)

I'm not 'llowed to have choklit cuz I'm a doggy, but maybe I kin eat the soap and that way nodoggy will hafta b*th with it. (Why is that hoomins always b*th us when we gets good and stinky, ennyway?! Doan they know it's hard werk?) Ennyways ...

I'm just gonna rest fur a bit now, but doan worry. I'll be fully recharged in 'bout thirty seconds and we can PLAYRUNBOUNCE all over again!

I YAM BACK!

Aroorooroo! I yam back, efurrydoggy! Did you miss me? I'm gonna try to blog more often, cuz Gamma and Ont Merry and Daddy keep sayin' I should, but it's so hard fur me to sit still!

Furst thing I gotta tell you is that there are more than four people living in our house now. There's Daddy, and Mom, and my kitty brudder, Zaphod Beeblebrox. But then Mom and Daddy went to visit Ont Merry one day and came home with THIS:

His name is Nero. Mom named him that because it's the It-al-yan werd fur black. But doan let that little kitty face fool you -- Nero finks he's an emperor. He came to live with us in September and at first hated efurrybody (even Mom -- how can anyfurrycritter hate MOM?!) but finally he got used to us.

And he and Zaph were furends in the beginning, but then Nero hit adull-escence and wanted to be more than furends with Zaph, iffen you nose what I mean. Ennyway, Nero went to the Pretty Lady Vet and she took his boy parts and he's all settled down now, but Zaph still hasn't furgiven him, and so Nero finks he's my new best friend. Which is okay, I guess, as long as he stays outta my spot, leaves my tail alone, and DOESN'T TOUCH MY DADDY!

But Daddy still loves me bestest. (He calls Nero "The Ne-ro-sis.")

Spring is coming and soon I'll be able to find all my tennis balls in the back OUT. The snow has been furry deep this year but Daddy has made sure I get out to play. The beaches where we live are self-cleaning because we're on the Bay of Fun-Day, which has the "highest tides inna world." I dunno what a "tide" is, but I'm furry glad the rocks doan have snow on them! (wagwagwag)

Ennyway, I will be back in a coupla days wif more of my 'ventures! Woof soon!

GC20WKP: A Cache For Piper

Dear Mr. TheRetiredHiker and Mrs. SpruceGum,

You might remember that when you placed this cache in my honour, Mom and Daddy were fighting off flying pigs (swine flu), and then another time, Mom and I were gonna go fur it, but the path was icy, and Mom is way too good at fallin' down on top of me. Well, after that, Mom decided (and I agreed) that we would save visiting my cache fur a speshul occasion. Today was the day!

Today is my third burpday! And when Mom and Daddy asked me how I wanted to sillybrate my speshul day, I said that the furst thing I wanted to do was go find my cache!

Fangu so much fur putting it in such a beeyootiful spot! As you kin see in my pitchure, I had a furry good time!

Sincerely,
Piper McLean, Geohound

Happiness is ...

... a contented puppy who loves her hoomins.

"Walk it."

Even though it has been a furry long time since Mom and I became jillity drop-outs, I still remember how to do some of it.

Today, Mom and Daddy took me to a nice nature path at a place called Red Head. It was a furry nice long walk in the woods, but my most favouritist part was when there was a big fallen tree across the path! It was furry high but I wasn't scared at all! Mom said, "Walk it," and so I did -- three times!

I miss seeing the other doggies at jillity, but I'm glad I can still do some of it with Mom and Daddy whenever we go places.

It's Mudder's Day!

I just heard Mom talking with her mom (my Gamma) on the long-distance-bark-machine, and she wished Gamma a "Happy Mudder's Day!"

Now this is a howliday I can get into!

Happy Mudder's Day, Efurryone!

I feel so used ...

Furst of all, fangu fur still reading this blog. I nose I haven't been around in furever, but it's becuz Mom hasn't been home much to let me use her computer. (More on that later.)

That's not to say that my life is boring. Daddy has been taking me to the beach a lot lately, so I can run and jump and sniff and play!
Daddy has been doing his bestest to make sure I don't go out of my mind, but I feel bad fur him. You see, I'm pretty sure Mom's having an affair with someone named Fizzix. And she's not even discreet about it. Efurry time I turn around (and when you're mostly Border Collie, that's a lot!), Mom is saying to Daddy, "I really need to spend some quality time with my Fizzix."

I dunno who Fizzix is. I haven't met him. All I nose is that Fizzix hasn't seen her much the last few days because she's been home coughing and stuffs. It's good that I get to spend time with Mom again, becuz she's in bed sleeping lots, but I feel used. Can't I have Mom when she's healthy too? Why does she have to be with Fizzix more than me?

Oh well. At least I've still got Daddy. And I fink I heard Mom say the other day that she's looking forward to having more time after "this Fizzix thing is over." So maybe she's getting tired of him? She sounded kinda mad at Fizzix, acshully, now that I fink of it.

Oh nose! I wonder if Fizzix is another dog?! Now that would be grounds for DOGVORCE!

A New Park and a New Furend!

Today Daddy took me on a play-date!

There's a new Bark Park in the nearby town of Quick-Pam-Kiss, and Mom's been gonna take me there fur a while now, because some geocachers put out a cache in my name there. But that was right when Mom and Daddy got the Flying Pig Disease, and Mom hasn't had a chance to take me yet. In fact, Mom couldn't even come today 'cuz she hadda get ready fur werk.

Well, Daddy has a furend named You-Win and last night, the two of them decided it was time fur me and You-Win's dog, Haggis, to meet. So Daddy called You-Win this morning, and then off Daddy and I went to the Quick-Pam-Kiss Bark Park!

This is me and Haggis. Now, I've heard Mom talk about Haggis before. She says Haggis is food made out of a sheep's stomach, but I think she might be foozed, because he smelled like a doggy to me!

When Mom saw the pitchures of Haggis, they really made her smile, because she says Haggis looks like a cross between me and my predecessor, Pepsi. Mom really wished she could have been there fur my first date with Haggis, but Daddy took lotsa pitchures.

Haggis and I played together and had a lot of funfunfun! It was wonderdog! And there were lots of other doggies there too! I did my best to round them all up but they wouldn't pretend to be sheep fur me.

This was only the second Bark Park I've ever been to, but it was furry nice. I especially liked the fact that they had a newsstand out in the middle of it.

I really had a great time with Haggis and the other doggies! Can't wait to go back sometime soon -- and maybe find my geocache, too!

Yay Fur Winter!

Mom and Daddy took me up for a romp in Our Park. There were lots of doggies there. The road was a little icy, so Mom was doing her baby-step-shuffle, but that didn't slow me down at all!
I love the holidays! And winter! And snow! And EFURRYTHING!

Hairy Kissmoose!

As soon as I saw the big tree in the livingroom in our den, I knew that it would soon be Kissmoose and prezzies-time! And -- just like I hoped -- Santa Paws CAME!
Santa Paws always wraps my prezzies cuz he knows I like unwrapping gifts just as much as Mom does. (Unlike Mom and Ont Krista when they were mini-hoomins, I acshully wait until Kissmoose to unwrap mine. Of course, the fact that I can't get at them 'til the hoomins fork them over might have sumfin to do with it, too.)
Anyway, Santa Paws brought me a new chewie!
(I love you, Santa Paws! Fangu furry much! And Zaph says fangu too.)
I told Zaph he could come tell you about his new prezzie (a mousie attached by 'lastic to a thing that hangs on a doorknob) but he's become a little bit obsessed. Daddy was furry happy that Zaph liked his prezzie this year, because most years he ignores what Santa Paws brings him. But Daddy thinks he's going to have to hide Zaph's prezzie at night if the hoomins want any sleep!

Daddy laff-barked really hard when Zaph knocked it off the doorknob and scampered down the stairs with his prey. No wonder Daddy calls Zaph "Mighty Hunter!" (I call Zaph "Mighty Stoopid," but that's just my opinion.)

Hairy Kissmoose, efurryone!

Trip to The Evil Doctor (aka TED)

Well, I knew that that dewclaw / don't-claw was going to mean nuffin but trubble.

It wasn't as bad as last time. It stopped bleeding that night, but Mom and Daddy kept checking on it. Efurrytime they looked at it, I did my bestest to limp and hop and look pitiful so that I'd get T*R*E*A*T*S. Mom said that I was a little diva and deserved a Cad-Me Award, cuz the rest of the time, I was running and jumping and chewing on Zaph as if nuffin was wrong!

So when Daddy told me to get into the zoom-zoom, I had a sneaky spishon that we were going to go to TED. And I was right.

Well, I thought maybe that if I was a good girl and got weighed and gave kisses, I could get out of there without acshully seeing TED. No such luck.

I hadn't been to see TED in over a year, but I still remembered that I DON'T like being on his zamination table!

He looked in my nears and in my eyes and felt me all over. And then he took out a pair of clippers and chopped off all my toes! Not just the broken don't-claw, but all of them! And I cried and howled and yodelled and buried my face against Mom and begged her to rescue me, but it was no good. She was useless.

And then, after taking my toes, TED shot me in the neck with Vac-See-Nations!

And what did my hero, Daddy, do while all this torture was going on? Did he pick me up and run? Did he tell TED to put my toes back? Did he tell TED to be gentle with me, his little girl? No...

HE TOOK PITCHURES OF MY PAIN AND SUFFERING!

I fired Daddy as my hero right then and there. I mean, Mom held me and I know she doan like needles either, and she kept pawlogizing, but Daddy thought he was the paw-paw-rottsies!

I made up my mind to neffur speak to Daddy again -- or at least not until Kissmoose -- but then he told me I was a good-girl and on the way home, we went to get me zoom-zoom-food. (Mom and Daddy call them McDonalds french fries, but they're MINE, not Old MacDonald's!)

Anyway, my don't-claw feels better now, and Mom says that I don't have to get shot again anytime soon, so that's good.

And Daddy is my hero again. He gave me T*R*E*A*T*S and we share a pillow at night, so I can't stay mad at him fur long.

But TED? I'm sticking my tongue out at YOU!